My Place by the Sea
The story behind hump day, inventive local cuisine, a dry town’s transition, and acts of generosity
Nearly 30 years ago, if you had told Kathy Milbury and Barbara Stavropoulos that My Place by the Sea in Rockport, MA, would be their restaurant, they would have winced. Their dinner there was memorable in a bad way: rice as hard as pebbles, swordfish topped with a filmy goo, and tuna with a frozen center.
Many serendipitous things had to happen for Kathy, the chef, and Barb, the manager, to transform the restaurant into a magical place on the edge of the North American continent. I use the term magical sincerely. People from near and far have stories of how Kathy and Barb have cared for them with a thoughtful dining experience or brought them meals when they were ill and housebound. They are generous with the community, supporting local high school hockey teams and hosting them at the restaurant. They also have had a few dissenters, or shall I say challengers, as I’ll explain later.
Numerous people with cancer have said their treatment regimen includes dining at the restaurant. Others have made the restaurant and its fantastic balcony setting the site of marriage proposals, big birthdays (including Chris Pitman’s 100th), and unrestrained dancing on hump day—the Wednesday nights when the restaurant transforms into a disco.
That’s all nice, but what about the food? One might think given the restaurant’s superior coastal location, the food doesn’t need to be remarkable, but it is.
The menu features inventive and seasonal dishes as well as comfort food. Kathy cooks as much as possible with local, ultra-fresh ingredients, and has a keen sensibility for how to instill in her dishes the maximum flavor using a minimum of ingredients—the sign of a talented chef.
The restaurant sits at the very end of Bearskin Neck. Its multiple decks face the rocky shore (it is Rockport after all) and must be avoided during nor’easters when the height of the rolling waves becomes worrisome if not intrusive. The dining rooms are decorated with original art made by friends, including Nancy Caplan, Judi Rotenberg, Chris Pitman, and Jean Francois, founder of La Provence in Rockport.
Dining at My Place by the Sea, I feel like I’m in the home of good friends who serve awesome food and are skilled in the art of hospitality. The restaurant team is welcoming and genuinely happy I’m there. The vibe is relaxed upscale, so there are white tablecloths and cloth napkins but no pretension.
As a pair, the restaurateurs could not be more different. Barbara is from down south, boarding school educated, and soft-spoken, whereas Kathy grew up in New England, the youngest of seven, attended public school, and has a voice that carries and a distinctive, pleasing belly laugh. They seem to share the same work ethic, generous spirit, and well-developed sense of humor—they are both really funny.
There are countless stories covering the past 28 years of running the restaurant, and I hope to hear more of them.
If you enjoy being able to order a cocktail or glass of wine at a Rockport restaurant, you owe them at least partial credit. And, if you are in Rockport on a late spring or summer Wednesday early evening, and you spot a plane flying a sign saying “Guess what day it is” head over to the restaurant for a rollicking good time. It’s hump day at My Place by the Sea.
Here’s our April 2024 conversation, which started with Kathy.
Do I need to know anything about hockey to conduct this interview [Her brother is former Bruins player and coach Mike Milbury]?
Yeah, I cook better than my brother skated [she laughs].
As a self-taught chef, did you have mentors? How did you learn to cook?
Many years ago, when I was a college student, I started cooking in Nantucket. It’s where you either work in landscaping or the restaurant industry. I tried landscaping for two weeks and quickly switched to working at The Boarding House. The person who taught me how to cook, Jim Perelman, is now the sheriff in Nantucket. But at the time, he owned that restaurant.
My first summer there, I was making salads and desserts. When I came back the following summer, I learned how to cook fine dining [cuisine]. I was bitten by the bug, basically. I loved cooking.
I have a degree in business and economics, and I was going to go into that field. [She had been interviewing at Polaroid, which quite abruptly instituted a hiring freeze. Their loss and our gain. The instant photography business’ downturn shifted her immediate focus to cooking and she never turned back.]
I was used to cooking from an early age. My father died when I was 10. My mother was a nurse and she worked 3:00 to 11:00 pm, so I would come home from school to a note with orders, such as, "Put the chicken in the oven at this temperature."
You’ve worked in many kitchens.
At one point, I was working in a kitchen with all women [on Nantucket], which was unusual at the time.
I wondered whether I should go to culinary school, but everybody said, "No, just keep learning from different chefs." So that's what I did. Among other places, I worked at the Peabody Essex Museum as their chef.
Have you ever taught cooking?
I do every day. The sous chefs here usually work their way up to that position.
What brought you to Rockport?
The owner of an inn here in Rockport read a review in the Boston Globe [of her cooking at the Peabody Essex] and wooed me away from Salem to Rockport.
Her stint at the inn came to an end when the owner died and she had to figure out what to do, having moved to Rockport and finding herself unemployed.
Barbara and I had actually eaten here [at My Place by the Sea] and had the worst meal of our life. Barb said, "I know where they need a chef." And that was it.
Kathy began working at My Place by the Sea 28 years ago as the head chef. She asked Barb to help out, which she did, initially planting the gardens and eventually working front of the house as host and, as I have witnessed, Chief Smiling Officer. They managed the restaurant for the next three years, and then bought the business in 2000 and, finally, bought the property a couple years later.
When you assumed ownership of the restaurant, Rockport was a dry town. That sounds daunting.
Yes. It was all about bootstrapping.
When did Rockport’s dry town status end?
April 19th, 2005, at 1:38 a.m. [Clearly, it was a pivotal event in their lives.] Barb and I led the charge to get liquor in town. We realized there was no way to build a business without a foundation having the whole package [of being able to serve alcohol].
[Kathy describes coming to this realization as a learning experience. Diners would bring their own alcohol, which sounds ok, but it got excessive and often dangerous with heavy drinking. It was also a disappointment for diners who showed up without knowing there was no alcohol. The effort to end Rockport’s dry town status came with twists and turns. Kathy and Barb funded a large part of a survey to determine how the town would vote. The measure was contentious. A previous attempt to bring alcohol to Rockport was fought by people dressed up like Hannah Jumper—who led Rockport’s temperance movement in the 1850s that resulted in it becoming a dry town—carrying signs in the downtown to protest the proposed change. However, this time, the measure passed, with 51% of people in favor of full liquor being served in sit-down restaurants in the town.]
You gained an early appreciation for fresh and local ingredients.
In Nantucket, the farm would bring lettuce right to the restaurant. Fishermen would bring fish right through the dining room, such as a whole swordfish, and we'd cut it right on the patio. Sometimes a fisherman would bring in fresh flounder at 7:00 in the morning. We'd have classical music playing. Jim would say, "Kath, you want some fish for breakfast?" We would flour it and put it in a pan, and that was it. It was delicious.
It was an introduction to food that I am so lucky I had. Some of the things that I learned to cook during those first years in Nantucket are the best recipes that I have.
Tell me about your herb bread.
When I worked in Nantucket, I lived above the restaurant. When I would come downstairs in the morning to start cooking, Jim would be making his herb bread. I used to watch him, but I never made the bread. Twenty years later, I ended up at this restaurant, and everybody's doing focaccia. But I decided to make herb bread, and made it from my memory of watching him.
Jim saw me on Chronicle [a Boston tv program] years later and came into the restaurant. I encouraged him to try the bread and tell me what he thought. He said it was a little bit sweeter than his, but delicious.
[One diner at My Place by the Sea tasted the bread and asked if the chef had worked at The Boarding House!]
The bread has its own following. I make a steamed mussels dish that goes nicely [she gets this dreamy look in her eyes] with the herb bread.
Kathy removes mussels from their shells, bathes them in a mussels broth with a hint of cream, wine, and a shower of leek ribbons and herbs. The crusty bread dipped in the flavorful broth is my favorite thing on the menu. So far.
What’s in the bread?
People have been trying to get the recipe for years and I haven’t given it to anybody. [Here is my guess based on research: molasses, honey, finely chopped rosemary, and beer added to the dough. I’m sure that Kathy won’t confirm or deny, and I appreciate that.]
Can you at least tell me some of the ingredients in the bread?
I can't tell you that until we write the cookbook. I'd like to write a cookbook and also tell the backstory of the restaurant. You'll never believe what we've been through in 28 years. It's not like a typical restaurant. [I might try to talk her into including me in the project!]
Tell me more about your experiences running this place.
We’ve had people come here and say their sister is getting treated for cancer and coming to My Place by the Sea is part of her treatment.
On the night of the fireworks [an annual summer event], which are right above us, we got a call about a woman who wanted to come in with her two daughters, one of whom was having a tough time with stage-four cancer. Barbara put them upstairs on the deck [That is a feat on its own, given the popularity of the restaurant and on a busy night with every table in high demand] all by themselves and they had the best time. At the end of the meal, Barbara and I looked at each other and said, "How can we charge anybody for this?” We announced to everybody that dinner was on us. The family came downstairs and we all drank champagne. There were people here that could have bought the restaurant 20 times over, and they said, "Nobody's ever done that before!"
There's something here that's kept us here for 28 years. But there's a lot of crazy stories that happen because we deal with so many people. It is surreal what we've been through.
More stories, please.
Well, getting liquor here. We were holding signs on voting day at Five Corners and near the voting precincts and people were threatening to hit us over the head. The person who was leading the charge against allowing alcohol happened to be my old dishwasher. [Kathy recalls making his wedding cake many years earlier.]
Your hot fudge gets high marks. Can you tell me about it?
I start with Valrhona chocolate, and we slowly cook it with butter, cream, a little bit of margarine, and vanilla.
What’s remained on your menu since you became the chef here?
My chowder, which is a Nantucket recipe.
How has your menu evolved?
The more I know as a chef, the less I put on the plate.
We dress all our garden salads with just a little bit of olive oil, sea salt, and lemon. I did the whole foie gras, truffles thing in the past. But now my cooking has gotten simpler. I don't try to hide the food, and I don't need to prove myself.
How did hump day come about?
We wanted to do something that would be fun and attract people who find our menu unapproachable because of the pricing. On hump day, you can get a pizza for 12 bucks, as well as shrimp cocktail, nachos, and more.
We also wanted to give the employees and the kitchen staff a break. We have a friend that flies a plane all over Rockport, pulling a sign that says “Guess what day it is?” Our dear friend, DJ Maverick is the DJ. People of every age, from 4 to 94, come and it’s an all-inclusive event. People dance and have a good time.
The staff started wearing light-up shoes and now many of the guests wear them too.
You either already know what the banner means, or you want to find out.
The singer Sam Smith has dined here.
Yes, Sam has been here several times and has become a friend of ours. In 2016, Sam was having throat surgery at Mass General. I got a phone call, "There's this very famous person that wants to dine with you tonight. Can you accommodate?" It was a rainy Thursday night and I’m thinking, who is this person? Sam was staying at the Mandarin Hotel and came up here with a driver.
Well, they just fell in love with the place and with us. We hit it off.
Sam has returned on many occasions, with family members and most recently their boyfriend, and sometimes without notice. Kathy and Barb have been guests at Sam’s shows. Kathy created a dish in Sam’s honor:
Celebrity visits are common and include Kevin Bacon, who gave the restaurant high praise during his performance at the Shalin Liu. They’ve also hosted Steven Spielberg, Kate Capshaw, Sandra Bullock (The Proposal was filmed in Rockport), Ellen DeGeneres, and numerous professional hockey players.
I’ve gotta ask: Was hockey a big part of your life growing up, given your brother's avocation and then profession?
I have five brothers, so every sport was part of our life, even bowling. We always went to the hockey games, and my favorite part was eating in the North End at the Scotch and Sirloin steakhouse.
I would always tell everybody if we were out having a drink, "Don't tell anybody that [Mike Milbury’s] my brother because I'd have somebody chewing on my ear for the entire night."
What do you eat at home on your nights off?
Nothing. We never eat at home [they laugh]. When we get through here, we usually get a couple of ginger ales and cheese sticks and wheat thins at the local store. Then we drive around and talk about the day because we're like ships passing in the night and don’t really have time to chat during the day.
What is your guilty pleasure food-wise?
Ken [a devoted Rockport friend of theirs] sends us Pat's original Philly cheesesteak sandwiches. I love them.
[On such occasions] I've opened a beautiful bottle of wine and poured a little glass for everybody and we’ve sat right at this table and had the cheesesteaks. They're great.
Describe your most memorable meal.
One of them was the worst meal that I ever had, and it was here. I ordered the swordfish and Barb ordered the tuna. This place was a terrible tourist trap. They gave us rice that was like little pellets, hard rocks. The vegetables you couldn't even stab—they were like rocks! And Barb’s dinner was still frozen in the middle! Someone in their infinite wisdom decided to cover the swordfish when they cooked it, so it had this white scum floating on top of it. [At this point, they are both laughing, I’m laughing, and Palate & Palette’s staff photographer (my husband) is…smiling.]
Barbara was dressed up and wearing pearls. The server kept coming over and asking, "Can I get you anything?" Barbara kept saying no, and she wouldn’t send anything back. Finally, they brought over a box dessert [a premade dessert that’s ..in a box] and the server asked, “Can I do anything for you?" and Barbara says, "Let me tell you something. This sucked!" [They are both laughing. This is particularly funny because Barb is soft spoken and very polite and this was so out of character for her.] I almost died because she never complained. We still know the girl who was serving us, and she's a friend [Seems like everyone they cross paths with becomes a friend].
One of our best-ever food experiences, was eating in Alain Ducasse’s restaurant in Moustiers, France. It was fabulous. The memorable thing there was when I got up, I was somehow attached to the tablecloth, and I almost took the whole table setting with me!
Your cleverly named cocktails have stories attached.
In 2013, there was the Hurricane Nemo, and hence, we have a frozen drink called the Wicked Nemo. We've got Ken's Rat's Ass cocktail. [The aforementioned Ken lives on Rat’s Wharf in Rockport and makes a renown cocktail that sees wide distribution.] We have The Adjuster, named after the insurance adjuster. [The restaurant has been damaged in multiple storms and the insurance settlements have, reportedly, been meager].
We have The Decibel Sour because my next-door neighbor brought me to town meeting, seeking to put a decibel count on the noise level during the hump day event. Annually, I have to go before the Board of Selectmen to get our entertainment license, and every single year they complain. Even though 99% of the town supported us, they still go every single year. [Sounds like a small town tradition at this point.]
At this point, Kathy and Barb switch places, and the rest of the interview is with Barb answering my questions.
You initially started working here to help out, and now you're running the front of the house.
Yes. I never did this before. Previously, I taught dance but then was in a bad car accident. It happened in Maryland when I was heading home for a visit. I ended up in a shock trauma unit and had to learn to walk again. This was years ago now, and it ended my career in dance. I started doing other things and then Kath asked me help out.
I mentioned to some friends that I was going to do this interview, and all of them said you do so much for the community. Tell me about that.
Kathy grew up differently than I did, with working, working, working. And where I grew up, we gave silver dollars out in a mahogany box 10 feet tall for Halloween, so I was used to that. Barb recalls working since her early teens even though she didn’t need to. Her grandfather patented the sugar ice cream cone and founded Sweetheart Plastics and Maryland Match Company. She recalls showing Kathy the 38-room house where she grew up, and Kathy saying, "I can't believe how hard you work."
We enjoy that aspect [being generous with the community] more than anything. Maybe sometimes too much, and we don't expect any thank-yous. We've done a lot for the local sports teams, and our neighbors in general [An artist friend with a gallery on Bearskin Neck recalls all the businesses on the street receiving a lunch delivery as a gift from the restaurant; an act of neighborly kindness].
What time does your workday start?
Kathy starts earlier, and will start making the herb bread first thing in the morning and does the shopping.
I start at 11:30, and then it's nonstop. We're hands-on and we don’t leave before 11 pm in the busy season.
Kathy pretty much handles the entire kitchen. I've never seen anybody work as hard in my whole life. [On a busy night, there are eight people in the upstairs and downstairs kitchens.]
Our mutual friend Ken says I should ask you if you know Paul Anka.
I was in Europe and looking around in a shop, I say to Kathy, "Oh my God. it's Paul Anka!" She asks me if I’m going to say hi. I walk over to him and say, "Hi, Paul Anka?" He says, "No, Frankie Avalon." I was mortified!
Tell me about the crazy pants.
They are comfortable and the guests love them. They are about casual fine dining with a little fun flair. I’m wearing grey camouflage and Kathy is wearing the ones we call graffiti.
Lightening round questions
What’s your favorite form of chocolate?
Peppermint patties. [Barb shows us the stash behind the reception stand.]
Most captivating art experience that you've had.
I enjoy the work of so many of the artists here and Judi Rotenberg's show here was fabulous.
Three words that describe the experience here for you.
Quite the challenge.
What makes it a good day here?
Knowing the power's still on and the storms haven't done any damage, and someone leaving after dinner says, "Thank you so much. This was fabulous." That makes it really special.
You are having a dinner party and get to invite five people. Who’s coming and what are you serving?
Ken and Marianne Novack, Mike and Viv Mendelsohn, Sam Smith and Christian Cowan, Judi Rotenberg and her husband Ed Zuker, and Paul Anka and Frankie Avalon!
The menu with wine pairings would be:
Jose Dhont Rose champagne served with freshly shucked lobster salad in filo cups
Salt and pepper scallops with jalapeno aioli
Housemade herb bread with sea-salted butter
Mussels with garlic, white wine, and herbs with a 2017 Boillot Puligny-Montrachet Premier
Raspberry orange salad with spiced pecans and Maytag blue cheese
Half rack of baby lamb chops drizzled with veal demi-glace, crisp potatoes, and organic vegetables with 20R14 Realm Cellars Beckstoffer Dr Crane Napa red wine
Chocolate tasting: warm chocolate souffle with crème anglaise, warm cool chocolate (a shot glass with hot chocolate ganache with whipped cream and espresso granita), and Valrhona chocolate cake served with Banyuls dessert wine
Palate & Palette menu
Here’s what I would cook if Kathy and Barb come to dinner, which I hope they will do on their night off in lieu of dining on wheat thins and cheese sticks.
My legendary chickpea spread on homemade crackers
Farmer’s market salad with lemon vinaigrette
Creamy artichokes and peas
Halibut with roasted tomatoes
Chocolate mousse with Peppermint Pattie garnish
Where to find My Place by the Sea (and you should!)
Their clam chowder is fantastic. So are the staff members' personalities.
What an amazing backstory and charming location! The bread and mussels both look scrumptious! I hope they do publish a cookbook! Thanks Amy!